All Humans Are Welcome Here!


Track Lessons

Wednesdays this summer, Alpenrose hosts fairly informal $5 track cycling lessons. I recommend them! Tonight was my first time on a fixed gear (track) bike for any substantial length of time. The fluidity of rolling your legs is lulling, and zen-like (“I am pedaling, I am pedaling, I am peda…”), and immediately nearly anybody could fall in love with riding up and down, around and around. I see why people go ga-ga over track. I crashed my mountain bike on Sandy Blvd. on Saturday night, banging up my right side and destroying my suspension fork. It struck a little fear into my heart! So the first few minutes back on my bike after two weeks of light riding were tentative,… continue reading

Jim and Patty’s Sour Cream Coffeecake

This recipe was printed in the Oregonian today. You can try to make this yourself, or you can just be reverent and pick up the untouchable, ineffably good real deal at Jim and Patty’s, 4951 NE Fremont Street, Portland. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease and lightly flour a 9-by-13 inch deep baking pan. TOPPING: 1/4 cup all-purpose flour 1 1/2 cups firmly packed light brown sugar 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon 4 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted (1/2 sticks) 1 cup finely chopped roasted hazelnuts CAKE: 2 2/3 cups all-purpose flour 1 1/4 teaspoons baking powder 1 teaspoon baking soda 1/2 teaspoon salt 1 cup unsalted butter, softened (2 sticks) 1 cup plus 2 tablespoons granulated sugar 1 teaspoon vanilla 4… continue reading

30% More Work for the Same Pay!

There was a memo in my box at work (Hooper Detox) this morning. The first three paragraphs stated something to the effect that management appreciated the hard and good work …bla bla bla… of admiting nurses. Bla bla bla… The fourth paragraph started with a “But -“ (emphasis my own) and went on to say that since auxillary staff were not performing the search/shower procedure satisfactorily, nurses are now expected to search and shower clients. Nurses are also expected to bring clients upstairs and show them to their bed, locker, and give them a tour of the unit. The primary reasons for auxillary staff being relieved of this duty are that they are supposedly less comfortable with naked bodies, are… continue reading

When Will It End?

These last two days at work have left my brain floppy. A mixture of doggedness, confusion, passion and apathy have left me in a hazy rage. “One” person totally fucked it up for everyone else this week. She decided to smuggle quite a bit of heroin in in her person and then shared it with other clients, creating total chaos. She got kicked out, and now she’s royally fucked (if it’s true she stole the heroin to begin with). It’s amazing that one person and a stupid decision can create such a tortuous web of destruction and insanity for so many other people. Who did this start with? When will it end?

Mother Earth F*cker

“Like Earth, we receive the gift of life through an act of Divine creation. From birth to death the vital force of sexual energy is a primal influence. Profound intimacy and ecstatic pleasure are realized when sexuality is embraced with deep sensitivity and passionate awareness. Understanding the synergistic harmony of love, sex, and spirituality is fundamental to a happy life.” ~ Heather Firth I recommend looking further into Heather Firth’s work. She’s got a good eye for sexy rocks. Keep a keen eye peeled for whether sexy artifacts exist in a synthetic environment such as your neighborhood sidewalk or workplace conference room. If they do, are they sexy? Or just silly and obscene? Is the ultimate sexual object organic/coincidental or… continue reading

Breathing & Respiration

A friend was telling me her rhythms were off. I’m wondering if that might be because she’s been holding her breath and crying more lately. It’s hard to get by an entire day breathing. The hardest things are what should be the easiest! Breathe! Hey, and this is helpful: from, “How to breathe deeply when you’re nervous.” This brief article provides brief (illustrated) instructions on how to reboot your autonomic nervous system’s breathing patterns, per se. These instructions are similar to advice I give people suffering from hiccoughs. What I tell them is, 1) breathe in as much air as you can and breathe in some more 2) hold it as long as you can 3) breathe out as… continue reading

Boob Tubes and Ozone Doosies

It’s National TV Turnoff week, and Americans will play along (in theory). This event seems geared towards getting children off the sofa. We found this month that television is both bad and good for children. What about grown-ups? And don’ forget Earth Day this week, Thursday. As a resident of Stripmallville, Oregon, I think I’ll adopt sprawl as my personal theme for Earth Day, and maybe I’ll come back with my ideas (aside from dirty bombing) as to how to combat it. In Stripmallville, it’s the first time I haven’t lived in the hub of a city (or even in a city at all). Today in Portland I walked several blocks to use a payphone because my mom doesn’t have… continue reading

Depending on How You See a Thing

For some reason I have Grace Quek in my head, aka Annabel Chong. She’s fascinating and it’s horrible. Spiros Markou, the Greek writer and critic, summed up Chong’s dilemma when he recently said to me “emptiness, she seems to be filled with emptiness, and therefore tries to get fulfilled through the body.” While pondering his remark, an early scene from the documentary kept coming back. It is of Mrs. Quek reminiscing of happier times, when her daughter was very young. She fondly remembers her daughter’s independence from a young age, and tells of leaving her alone while she and her husband were away. She used to pin a handkerchief to little Grace’s clothes, she says, and instruct her daughter that… continue reading

The Best Pickup Line, EVER

This morning at the patchouli-smelling hippy food co-op, I found myself STARING at the bulk chocolate items. My eyes honed in on chocolate-dipped crystalized ginger, but were also cognizant of a toothsome man hovering behind me to my left. He said, “Do you like chocolate?” I said, “I haven’t had any in days, and I’m fixated.” Several moments later, he uttered, “Do you live in Ashland?” “No, Medford.” “I’m new to the area.” “Where from?” “The East Coast.” “Where on the East Coast?” “New Jersey.” “Where in New Jersey?” “Why, do you know the area?” “Sure, I’ve been through a couple times.” “Ok. Englewood.” “Close to the city. So why did you move here?” “Just to move. Isn’t it okay… continue reading

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